Monday, October 1, 2007

Optimus Prime's Brain Attack!

I was thinking earlier today (since I've been on a real big blog kick today) about doing maybe some reoccurring pieces that don't involve me typing drunk, and I came up with this. The "OPBA" is going to be a little place where I can put that big fleshy-lobe-thing in my skull to some use and make some enlightened-ish observations on whatever I damn well please.
This edition of OPBA is about console wars and their 3rd cousin, the Blu-Ray/HDDVD conflict.
Okay, so I don't really know anything about all the consoles - yes, I have an xBox 369, yes I've played a Wii, yes I've been in the same room as a PS3 - this isn't so much a "brain attack" as it is.... well, it's really just me complaining, so here goes.
XBOX 360 will "pwn" all other consoles and their mothers. The Wii, fun and innovative as it may be, is seriously lacking in games that have the level of intensity that I desire. Riding cows and poorly simulated sports are only entertaining for so long before I want to blow some shit up. Not to mention the Wii is seriously lacking in the DVD realm.
The PS3 is an over-priced, over-sized BEAST, and I can't really sum it up much better than that, except to say that if a next-gen console, almost a year after it's release date, is still selling less games than it's predecessor, it is undeniably a failure. The PS3 is a prime example for this. The only reason anyone ever bought the PS3 was to sell it to buy a Wii or to play Blu-Ray discs, because the console was still cheaper than a Blu-ray player.
The XBox 360, on the other hand, has some of the best games around. Guitar Hero 2 (admittedly, the only video game that I've ever played all the way through) alone is enough to cement this system in the #1 position. Yes, I'm aware that GH1 and GHE:RT80s were both exclusively for the PS2, but that's a previous generation console so fuck you. And, besides, the X-Plorer is a much more manageable controller (the neck is nice and slender) and the XBox version of GH 2 had more, better songs. Not to mention XBox live is supposed to be really great, although I've never connected, so that's not for me to say. And then there's this Halo thing. I've never played it, but from what I've seen, it's pretty hardcore, bone-a-rific, etc., etc., so fuck you, other consoles. Lastly, HDDDVD. XBOX 360 plays HDDVD, which means that it's the best.
Which brings me to my next topic: Blu-ray vs. HDDVD.
HDDVD will win, plain and simple. Why? Porn. Yeah. Porn is a $10 billion/year industry, but the folks over at Blu-ray are too self-righteous to reap the benefits of the skeezy fapping masses. Now, I'm not saying that I condone such gratuitous corporate greed-mongering, but I do support freedom of speech. The kind of freedom that lets me go out and by an HDDVD for my XBOX 360 and watch an 18-year-old girl nearly torn asunder by a teeming throng of priapism-sufferers. I'd apologize for the graphic description, except that I'm too busy being disgusted by the prospect of the Blu-ray manufacturers so blatantly censoring what is an undeniably large percentage of American (World?) culture. Not to mention HDDVD has brand-name recognition on its side. We're coming out of the DVD-era, and the next logical step, what with all the HD-TVs and HD-cable, etc., is to buy HDDVDs. Now, if we had spent the last decade or so buying Magenta-ray discs or something like that, it might be different. I will say this, though: If the Blu-ray has any chance for success, it lies in Wal-Mart. Yes, the place that ONLY sells clean versions of CDs. That doesn't hold much potential, though, because 1), the general population that shop solely at Wal-Mart are too inbred and poor to ever afford the over-priced Blu-ray discs (as far as I can tell, the price ratio of Blu-ray to HDDVD is like 3:2), let alone the player; and 2) even still, a lot of those people will still be desiring porn, and I think lust is the one thing that can drive even the most frugal Wal-Mart junkie to the nearest Target, Best Buy, or skeezy Adult Video Store.

This has been the OPBA for today!

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