Optimus Prime: It's no secret that Mander's tastes are...
Not quite so discerning as yours or mine.
Lazer: [I concur.]
Optimus Prime: I actually think Mander is more attracted to slutty burn-outs than anyone I've ever met.
Like he's drawn to them.
Like a moth to flame.
Lazer: Or Mander to a slutty burn-out.
Optimus Prime: I'm sure i've only heard about a fraction of his forays this year, and I'm already disgusted.
Like...
I hope he wears a condom.
Even when he's just hanging out with them.
Not even putting his dick in them.
Lazer: Hahah.
[Yes,] he's gotten a bit extreme.
Optimus Prime: So I've heard
Lazer: You've probly heard more than me, ha.
Optimus Prime: He always texts me like "I'm going to Tijuana with so and so."
And I'm like "Dude don't." I forbid you. I don't know if he heeds my advice, though. One can only hope.
Lazer: Haha good look out for him.
Optimus Prime: I do. And what's worse is that in my FYE (a.k.a. GAY) class we were talking about relationships on the 13th, i.e. day before Valentine's Day
Lazer: FYE?
Optimus Prime: First Year Enrichment
Lazer: Oh, GAY. Ya I know now.
Optimus Prime: Anyways. And since it's me and one other dude in the class - but he never talks - it was basically me arguing with alllllllll the girls. First like about hooking up. THEY think that it's always bad.
I said something along the lines of "Bitches ain't shit."
Optimus: 1 Bitches: 0
Lazer: Hahaha
Optimus Prime: Actually I was just like "I think it's possible to bone someone without getting emotionally attached," but they all disagree because they're stupid.
Lazer: Let's go by you football and them regular points
Optimus Prime: Okay cool.
Optimus: 6 Bitches: 0
And I was like "As long as you don't mislead a broad like 'Oh we're totally a couple now, but let's have sex tonight' and then not call her it's really not a problem." That was the XP.
Optimus: 7
Lazer: Haha, nice
Optimus Prime: And one cheeky broad was like "So you think it's okay to plow a girl and just leave the next morning and be like 'alright.... bye' and leave and not ever talk to her again?"
SO what she's trying to do is run it back for a TD. But I said something like "Why stay till the next morning?" That's a fucking safety.
Optimus Prime: 2 points to me and I get to receive again.
Optimus: 9
Lazer: Hahahaah. Oh my fucking god. No, no, that is postworthy shit right there.
Optimus Prime: But then to the part pertaining Mander: Then we started talking about like "Should you interfere with friends' relationships?" And I guess I fumbled because all the womenz started talking. Like... lateraling that shit back and forth.
But then I bust in with an anecdote about Mander (interception). And like "I think a good friend wants to protect his friends from STDs and getting robbed for drug money." TD Optimus. But they blocked my XP because they were like "No, it's a friend's job to be there for their friend when their heart gets broken." Which is true.
Lazer: I see
Optimus Prime: And I didn't say it at the time, but I think it's more a friend's job to protect their friends in the first place. But they didn't agree with that either. I figure it's because all women hate each other. Even when they're "friends" they like to be right more than anything else. So they pretend like they're helping heal a broken heart, but in actuality they're gloating in that feeling of "I told you so," secretly.
AND LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT
Whores.
The lot of them.
Final score: Optimus Prime: 15 Bitches: 0
Lazer: Yup. the judges agree. Optimus crushes the competition.
But all the talking got me to thinking: Is what I do actually good? Do my friends want to be protected? So I asked:
Lazer: Yah that's good. But ya, pull them out dude, before it's too late. You're a oh shit!
You're a good person.
Optimus Prime: Whaaa???? WHAATTT?
Lazer: or at least a good friend
Optimus Prime: APOCOLYPSE!!!!TI)
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Lazer: Lemme divide by zero to fix that!
Whew, that was close.
The End.
6 comments:
I find it hard to prejudice against girls. It's a weakness of mine. It has been known to happened upon occasion but, ehh... what can I say? On the whole, one or two redeeming qualities is MOST definitely enough for me hahaha.
This does not mean that I dont appreciate your input. Please, by all means, tell me what you think of the bitch. You do not however, have to tell me more then once. I understood the first time. I wont forget. Unless its required beyond a reason of a doubt that i need help, LEAVE MY SHIT ALONE NIGGUUUUUH!
You don't forget my ass.
You are quite possibly the single most forgetful person I've ever met ever, with the exception of maybe my grandma, but Alzheimer's runs in our family.
ahhh this may be true BUT, oh wait never mind, You're right huh? ehh whatever haha
Errr, Optimus...
You might want to check that conversation for a DISTINCT MENTION
Of a like to your personal self.
Yo Codes, are you drunk?
For serious, take some typing lessons or some shit.
Fix'd
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