So I'm using my roommate's computer...

...which means I have more time for this post (i.e. I can use grammerz and what not) but it does NOT mean I have anything to write about, really.

What I do have is a story about my shitty Valentine's Day:

Since I'm a terrible person who is emotionally incapable of being in a meaningful relationship with anyone, I was alone. I probably could've made plans with any one of the countless women who for whatever reason seem infatuated with me, but being the self-loathing prick, I decided that I would rather get trashed (I don't have any classes on Thursdays anymore) and watch romance movies ALONE - alone being the operative word.
And of course, my roommate, the perpetual dick he is, decided that it was the perfect day to like... be in the room all day. That coupled with the fact that I have no liquor, and not even so much as 3 dollars for a cheap 40 makes it seem like my pity-party is ruined. And it is.
Eventually I get fed up of my roommate and tell him in not so many words to "get the fuck out," and for once he obliges me.
So I got the alone part covered, and that's the most crucial part, but then the sorrow that I was supposed to drown in cheap liquor becomes overbearing. All I have is rubbing alcohol, and that's uh... not healthy. But it does bring to mind memories of better times in a better place of making cheap ether using nothing more than starter fluid and water. So, being lonely, depressed, and desperate I mix up what I later coined "drug soup." It's approximately 2 parts rubbing alcohol, 1 part nail polish remover, 3 parts hot water, and 6 parts brain damage. ... In retrospect, I can imagine myself coming into some legal trouble for posting the recipe here, but I don't fucking care, because no one reads this shit. (Please don't sue me).
I started huffing that shit like like a doctor was holding me upside down and smacking me on the ass.
Well, it worked, to a certain extent, to that I lost control of about 90% of my motor skills.... for about 10 minutes. And then it all came back. Plus the worst headache I can remember.

The moral of the story: Kill yourself young so you don't become a pathetic burnout like me.

Oh, also, apparently I'm a sophomore now. My credits from college classes I took in high school FINALLY transferred to RIT.
"Optimus Prime: 17-year-old college sophomore" has a nice ring, I think.

I'm like the role-model parents don't want their kids to know about.

How to tell if your life is pathetic (part 2):

Your life MIGHT be pathetic if:

1. You spend most of your time at parties hustling people to the back of the house because they're drunk and rowdy, AND/OR splitting up drunken Peruvian fights because you passed Spanish 4.
2. You convince a really hot girl to make-out with you, only to willingly give her up to your roommate so that he can partake in a three-way make-out session for no other reason than the fact that you apparently hate yourself and are some sort of make-out-masochist.
3. You stabbed someone with a plastic fork not because you were drunk, but because you probably need medication and aren't on it.
4. You pride yourself on touching unwitting girls' bottoms, but when a girl literally attaches herself to you for no other reason than "she wants to follow you," you shrug her off for no other reason than because you apparently hate yourself and are some sort of sex-masochist.
5. You might actually be considered a smoker, now, considering that you have a favorite brand, can tell the difference between menthols and regular, and you know what kind of cigarettes are for bitches and which are for men.
6. After all that, you still look forward to doing the same thing next Friday, because your life doesn't get much better than that.

How to tell if your life is pathetic:

1. If you are me. That's just sad.
2. If you spend so much of your time drunk and miserable that you'd rather clean vomit in people's apartments than leave, just because there's still a few people in the apartment. (see: If you are me)
3. If you write blogs about how pathetic your life is, and you're not entirely sure that the people reading it will understand that it's a joke (see: #1 & #2)
4. If you just read this.
5. If you just read this AND it's a pretty accurate description of your life.