Streetlight Manifesto

I know its been a while since I talked about music, so... here it is: A Concert/CD review + analysis (that makes three parts, by my calculations.)

Part 1 - Somewhere in the Between CD review:

HOLY. MOTHERFUCKING. SHIT.
The End.

(Ehh... let the record show that while it still hasn't technically been released, it leaked after I pre-ordered my copy, so I feel no shame in possessing the songs. So there.)

Part 2 - Streetlight Manifesto + Suburban Legends + The Stitch Up at Club Infinity in Buffalo, Nov. 7, 2007:

HOLY. MOTHERFUCKING. SHIT.
Also, there was a girl/group of girls (?) that kept pinching my butt. It was flattering while being simultaneously annoying.

Part 3 - Lyrical Analysis of Streetlight Manifesto's Discography (plus a little bit of BOTAR):
I'd be lying if I said that I had a true, clear-cut knowledge of everything behind Tomas Kalnolky's songwriting, but I do think I have a few good theories.
Let's start by evaluating the albums as wholes, before I delve into the intricacies of specific songs and lyrics. I think it's no mystery to anyone that Kalnolky's songwriting is always occupied by some air of death. There's a lot of lines about war and dying, which is the first connection I think everyone develops in thinking about the themes of Streetlight Manifesto's music.
That being said, I think that Streetlight's albums are an allegorical portrayal of Death. The "story" begins with Keasbey Nights, though the title by itself is unincriminating, taken with the other albums, it seems to be a metaphor for the last days of a dying man... the dawn of a life, if you will. Next up is Everything Went Numb... uh... if you can't see how that symbolizes Death, than you are most definitely something that rhymes with "numb," but then I wouldn't expect you to understand anything more complex than a nursery rhyme. Anyways, Somewhere in the Between in every aspect SCREAMS afterlife. The very first line on the album is "I once knew a guy obsessed with the afterlife." Dhurp. The cover art... the brown circles seem to represent the earth, then red fire beneath that (hell) and white/blue swirls that seem to be clouds (heaven) beneath the fire. Youmight be asking yourself "Yo Prime, why would Hell be above heaven?" Good question... NOT. It's obvious. While Kalnolky seems almost fascinated with the afterlife, it seems pretty obvious that he doesn't really believe in it. Take the second line from SitB, for example "Oh what a terrible day that was he realized he wasted all his time." There you have it. The afterlife is a waste of time.
Ummm... There's more... but I'll save it for a later date, because - as I'm sure youcan tell - my writing is a little unfocused and disjointed right now.

Autobots... ROLL OUT!

"Holy shit holyshit holy shit holy shit... TWO!!! TWO TWO TWO STREETLIGHT MANIFESTO TRACKS LEAKED AND I GOT THEM AND ITS THE MOST AMAZING FEELING!!!!"

(Transcribed from a text message to Lazer)

"Oh my god... I vastly underestimated how amazing these tracks would make me feel... seriously, you wont [sic] know what pleasure feels like til [sic] you blast these fuckers at 100 percent. My heart skipped not one but several dozen beats. In a row. Imagine the greatest orgasm you will ever have and mltiply [sic] it by three, except that it lasts at least 10 minutes unless you have the tracks on repeat [in which case it would last longer]. I honestly used to think that I loved Socialism and Camus, but those emotions are mere hiccups in comparison to how good this music makes me feel. I Wuld kill 100 thousand baby kittens to listen to these tracks if someone told me that I had to. I would sell my wife and children into slavery for these songs... SHIT... Now combine all of the above metaphors, and you get a small fraction of how these songs really make me feel..."

I couldn't put it more eloquently if I tried...

Preemptive CD reviesw: Streetlight Manifesto - "Somewhere in the Between"

Somewhere in the Between is bound to hit shelves November 13th.
After years of chronic blue-balling since Everything Goes Numb came out (yes, I'm purposefully omitting Keasbey Nights because... well, frankly, I'd heard all those songs before) I can honestly say that, based on my continuous listening of the 31 seconds of sample clips posted on their webpage - given in the form of :12 of We Will Fall Together, :07 of Down, Down to Mephisto's Cafe, and :12 of Would You Be Impressed? - that this album will be the most explosive unanimous eargasm of Kalnoky fan-boys possible. There'll be checkered musical splooge coating the entire continental United States, as well as parts of Canada and Mexico for WEEKS after its eventual release.
This album is going to fuck our ear pussies so hard that even the most hard-hearted cynic will forget the angsty anticipation in which we waited so anxiously, intermittent with delays, excuses, and general ass-hattery on Streetlight's part.

Yes, this album is going to be great.
I maybe the world's biggest dick (read: I am the world's biggest dick) but I can truthfully say that the 12 seconds of crooning and horn riffs of We Will Fall Together is, by itself, enough to warm my heart. I may yet love again.

But, if I do, I'll love Tomas Kalnoky.

Sorry ladies, guess I'm gay now.

But I digress... seriously, go buy this fucking album. Pre-order it as soon as you can. If you can't... start walking to the nearest record store. Trust me. You DO NOT want to miss this.

- Optimus Prime

Note: You, too, can preview this album at Streetlight Manifesto's web-page, http://www.streetlightmanifesto.com
Although, do so at your own risk. If you listen to the short clips, you too may be possessed by the desire. It's literally eating away at my mind. I have dementia now because I literally CANNOT WAIT any longer for this CD.