Arnold Hammer

This is my alcoholic twist on an Arnold Palmer (one of my favorite beverages) that I actually stumbled upon out of a mix of desperation, frustration, and experimentation. I was at a party that had Red Dog (shittiest beer ever? Yes) and cheap, shitty vodka. Now, if either the beer or the vodka had been of high grade, I would have consumed one or the other, straight. But they were both shitty (as elucidated previously), so me and [Egypt] experimented with what there was in the house: lemonade mix, Arizona Iced Tea, and water.
This is the recipe, as far as i remember it:

1.5 parts Vodka
1 pt. Lemonade (from mix, pre-made, or fresh - if you're so inclined - it doesn't fucking matter)
1 pt. Iced tea.
Lemon Wedge

Shaken or stirred (does it look like I give a fuck?), and pour into a cup. Any kind of cup, and I guess you can put ice in it if you want, but I just don't care.
We used kiwi strawberry iced tea (simply because that was what was available) but it should work with any SWEET tea. I mean, if you like unsweetened iced tea, you know... to each his own, but I think the shit's gross.
Also, let it be noted that I didn't actually have any lemon wedges, but I'm willing to bet that it would've been even better with one.

Anyways, you can add extra lemon juice (if you want it a little more bitter) or a couple of scoops of sugar (if you want it sweeter).

If this already exists, well fuck whoever invented it, my version's probably better anyways.

Optimus rereads drunken blog

Again, I will chose to not censor myself, but instead make a new post with the juicy bits I forgot. For example:
At Party 1, there was a Russian kid. I said "hey you're from Russia, aren't you?"
And the conversation went as follows:
"Yes, I am from Russia and I know that if anyone comes up to me and talks about a random subject I can tell from that conversation the history of mankind."
Yeah, it was pretty intense.
The greatest part about [Russia] was when he couldn't open this beer he was holding. It wasn't a twist off, but if it was, he still probably wouldn't have been able to get it open. Anyways, he tried to give it to a woman to open.
Optimus: "Nigga, please. That's a fucking man's job," and I snatched it from the bitch and opened it with my teeth. There was weird foil around the cap, but I just bit through that, too. Vietnamese people wrap their beers weird. He and the broad and the dude the the broad was with were all sufficiently impressed. I don't know who said it (it might've been me) but the word "hardcore" was definitely mentioned.
[Russia]: "I will make these people drink to your health!"
Optimus: "Yeah, drink to my health!"
Then they did. Even the woman, who was the designated driver* drank to my health.

Then, I can't recall if I mentioned this,but that party was busted up by the 5-0. nothing serious, we just had to leave, and my feel-copping was cut short.

But, I guess if it hadn't been busted up, we would've missed the hot naked chicks... so that's good.

Also, they had a bar at the next party, so I didn't have to sip the disgusting beer they had (Natural Ice, Genny light, queer shit like that) but instead I could drink mixed beverages like a man.
Well, I started with a Cosmo, which is only really manly if I get to make it myself.
But then I had a gin and tonic, because I knew it would fuck me in half.
And then I did a shot of vodka without a chaser because I'm hardcore. Well, actually, that's sorta run of the mill for me and most of my drinking friends from So-Cal, but... like I said... I'm probably the most hardcore person in the state of New York. IT went like this:
[Shooter]: "I'm doing shots! Who wants to do shots?" (points at Optimus) "Do you want to do shots?"
Optimus: "Are they free?"
Shooter: "Sorry man, they're a dollar.'
Optimus: "Fuck that, I've only got a dollar left."
Shooter: "Then do a shot!"
Optimus: "...Fine. What're we doing?"
Shooter: "Anything you want! I'm doing a lemon drop."
Optimus: "Sounds gay."
Shooter: "Do you even know what it is?"
Optimus: "Yeah, isn't it a shot of vodka with a lemon wedge afterwards?"
Shooter: "Hell yeah-"
Optimus "Fuck that, I'll do a straight shot of vodka."
Shooter: "Oh dayum! I want to see this."
And then I did it. No biggie.
Shooter: "Oh shit, dude. That was hardcore."
Optimus: "That was nothing."
High-fives all around for Optimus!! Even the 'bartender' gave me a high-five.
I'm awesome.

The only other noteworthy thing was that I apparently posted a comment on my ex-girlfriends page saying something exactly like:
"Let's fuck and make babies.

Seriously.


... So there's that.

Oh... 1 more thing. Ihe kid I went out with (initially) got too drunk and puked in the sink.
I showered upstairs today.