Too drunk?

If it exists (I don't think so) I attained it - Beervana, if you will - on Friday. I say this simply because I know I had one hell of a great time, but I remember exactly NONE of it. How do I know I had a great time, you might ask? Well, simply put: photographic evidence. I've never seen a happier picture of myself. Don't let the vomit-caked glasses or disgusting scowl fool you, that's just the face I make when I'm having a good time.
But, since I feel a little guilty about not remembering anything exciting, I can tell you what i had to drink, because that's all I remember.
First, Roommate, [HockeyStar] and I were pre-gaming with Rum & Root Beer (there was no Coke), but not to any great extent. After we got to the party, Roommate and I lost Beer Pong, so I had two beers, and a free shot of vodka someone gave to me. I remember a kid from my floor giving me another shot, something called a Blue Beast (according to the bartender, it's "a little bit of everything and it's blue"). The next thing I remember was a sort of chugging contest (which I won hands-down) in which I downed - quite literally - a quarter of Jack Daniels. I think I lost at Beer Pong again after that, and that's about where I blacked out... I'm sure I drank more, but that's all that I remember.
So... no great blog for today... I swear that next time I'll drink less so I can remember great tales of my antics. PROMISE!

P.S. MASSIVE Lolz at those of you who actually thought I killed myself after reading my last post. Thanks for caring, though.
Dumbasses.

I love you like a jew loves money...

... beer.
But when people give me shitty beer, it's as if Juliet turns out to be a man. I want to find out that Juliet has a penis as much as I want to drink Genny, Keystone, Natural Ice, or (God forbid) Red Dog.

WHAT.
THE.
FUCK?
Seriously, what the fuck, college kids? I know that good beer costs more, but it makes me not want to be your friend if you can't have the insight to at least get some Miller or Bud or something that isn't so shitty that it's been quarantined. Well, at least I think that's why I never heard of any of this shit until I got to Rochester. Not that I'm complaining, it's just that I'm of the belief that beer should only taste like watery and/or bitter piss AFTER it's gone through my urinary system.

The same goes for you, vodka. I know that people complain about you tasting like rubbing alcohol a lot, but that's just because they're too cheap to buy the good shit. I could probably down an entire bottle of Skyy or Grey Goose without a chaser, but give me some Taaka or some shit like that and I'll gag after two shots.

Optimus Prime visits his first-ever college party; types drunk.

As 9i type tyhis, i'm smashed off my face. Not quite smashed offmy ass, so i guess on the tucker max scale that means i'm pretty much fucked in half. Anyaways, tponight i went o my fitrst college party.Well, actually, first 3 college parties. so i guess i'll recant those to you.

Party one: i got a ride from a broad in a ford focus. we had 6 peopleand 4 seats/ My roommate was hooking up with the one girl on campus for whom i'd cut mu dick off to have sex qith. That's pleasant, so i mumble about how id like to kill everyon uner my breath. When we get to the party, i down a beer, and then proceed to play a drinking game involving cards called Mr. Dickhead. Obviously, i win, and down 3 beerz during the course of the game. Some dick tries to coax us out of our money to ;'buy more beer' and i bitch,
we get our money back, and as we're kleaving, i pee in his bathroom sink. Take that, Fucker!
[
partyuc2: nothing. we leave, and i'm the only one with more liquor in his system: io chug some cofee liquuerr. GROSS, but alcoholic.

Pary 3: we drove around a boit to find it, but we did, eventually. Turns out, this one's on campus. Anyways, i drink acouple [dozen]more nbeeers and get fucked in half. Undoubtedly, i curse out some bitches, kick some stuff (tiurns out the bike chained to the front porch belongs to one of the kids throwing the party;... ooops.); anyways, eventually i'm so drunk that i hate everything more than before. That's usually a bad sign. I moke too sgharettes, without takingeither ut of my mout.. I bet i look cool when i do it. In my defense, at least i fijnsidhed the,.. WWehn the bitch (tyyeah, she was a women fdriver, but atl lesast sehw was sober...) drives me home, i get out befroe the car stops, and i sahout "Thanks, fat bithc," bedfore storming to my room to type this. Ih vane;t looked at the screen since i typedthis, mostly for comedic affet. So.... enjoy. I'll probably post another versioj tommoroow morning when i'm sober so that yuo can actually undersand what i'm tyuping. Bitches.