No, not French twin porn (by the way, they were fake twins, so you don't need to be all freaked out). Dating. It's been on my mind. I'm finally testing the water, and let me just say, it is frigid, uninviting, and mind-altering.
Truth be told, I don't really see myseld as a "casual dating" kind of person, while at the same time I'm definitely in no fit shape to be in a serious relationship. Maybe when my mood swings around and I can think about something that doesn't involve ending myself, I could have a moderately successful relationship, but who the fuck knows when that's going to be.
And all this begs another question: what the fuck to do about the date I already have?
On the one hand, I could go, but there's really only two possible outcomes: I fake like I'm not entirely hating myself and we end up having a great time and dating, only until I fuck it up because I'm to insecure. OR I could go, obviously be miserable, and the only difference would be skipping the "having a great time and dating" part.
On the other hand, I could call it off. And there's really only two ways to do that: Tell the truth. I could tell her exactly what I just said wrote, but that's really just the same as going and being miserable, minus the awkwardness and expense of the coffee/whatnot. OR I could bullshit. I don't even know what I'd say, but if I somehow convinced her that I was a normal, non-psychotic person but still didn't want to go on the date for some reason that's unselfish while simultaneously being not her fault, I'll be back at square one, with the burden of having to tell and keep up this lie I told to a girl I like a lot.
It's a lose-lose-lose-lose situation.
Honestly, I have no idea why I even have as many friends as I do, because most of the time I overthink everythin too much - which never ends well - while the rest of the time I'm just a terribly selfish, uncaring person.
Someone should kill me, and I hope it's me.
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