Fortuna's Wheel

I'm going to cut right to the chase here tonight because I'm not feeling too hot.

Essentially, my bosses'(BigPimpin) daughter (Jetsetter) wants my dick.

My only concern is that it just had to be this girl who wants to jump my fuckin' bones man. Thinking about Jetsetter just kinda makes me a little twitchy.
While she is decently attractive and a fun flirt with a nice body,
shes just a little to on the reserved side for me.

I met her for the first time this past Tuesday.
We hit it off pretty alright as per my usual charm but as I began to chat it up with her
it begins to dawn on me...

but "No,

no i refuse to believe it..."

"With a sister like hers how could she NOT be a fucking outrageously sick person?"

( the last time I saw her sister, she was of her and two of her friends next to an especially gigantor fucking tree which they had covered completely in beer bottles they had all drunken the night, if thats any indication of an undoubtedly correct impression of her sister).

Then as the subject of my bosses' (her mothers') love life slowly comes into action as it always seems to do, what me and the rest of the office found hilarious Jetsetter found slightly uncomfortable and not that funny.

I can understand that its her mom and all but at least have the good grace not to kill the party for the rest of u ya know?

Then later we were texting and she asked me my favorite thing to do was.

Me, already bored and realizing that the conversation wasn't going anywhere
I made the executive decision to reply jokingly "touching myself." both to entertain myself and to see how she would react.

Most average human beings would think that this was a joke(we've know each other long enough by this time to to tell if I'm being serious or not. For some people it take a little while.) would have either replied with either 1) witty rejoinder or 2) tell me how lame/dumb/retarded/immature that sounded. She on the other hand, slit her own throat and went with 3) "something came up i cant chill tomorrow."
If this had been jokingly off-handed i wouldn't have minded let me reassure you that in fact it definitely was not.

In fact I was pretty taken aback by the slight,
that i had to reaffirm what i had just witnessed is a testament to that.

"Uhhh... that was a joke." i replied.

"Good. Cause if it wasn't something REALLY would have come up."

Suddenly stunned and increasingly uninterested, time began to creep slower and slower as it does when ones mind begins to turn inward unto its self for the sanctuary that surely yourself can only give and it was then that i started to wonder,

...Why the fuck am i even trying?...

I began to become more aware of my surroundings once more.
Every time i have ever, or even at least gotten close to, getting any action, it was always when i least expected it,
always when i never wanted it,
never thinking about it.
always on the downward stroke of Fortuna's Wheel
but then it always did happen
picking me back up and spinning me upwards once again towards the heavens back into my rightful state of mind.

Life was coming back into focus.

Then in the span of two hours
my phone was touched by the hand of [InsertHigherPowerHere] and ten semi to completely nude pictures of various womens flickered across my cell phone screen that suddenly felt muchj much too small.

Time lurched forward

"Where do I find these girls? Jesus Motherloving Christ..."

I mused as time now began to accelerate, trying to catch up with the beating of my heart.

"How the fuck did I pull this off?"

My point?
I have a date (oh... Is that what we're calling it now?)
Friday at five o'clock.
We have the house to ourselves for two hours.
Unless something absolutely ridiculous comes along
(which usually always seems to happen due to my infamously terrible, terrible luck)
I will, surreptitiously and with rhythmically increasing velocity,
be giving out the hot dickings.

Edit:
I'm pretty sure that i was terribly terribly wrong about Jetsetter, but ehh first empressions... hahaha.

The Environment. Err, Yeah, That Place...

Alright, no tome of insight tonight, just a bit of fed-uppish-ness.
For the past half a year, I've been stuck in the most mundane, boring, and poorly taught class of my entire high school career. I thought summer school was bad, but this class takes the cake, puts a stripper inside it, tops it, and waits until she is dead and molded.
Environmental science....
Dense topic, you might imagine...
All about, methods to save our planet, scientific research, and applicable science?
Uhh, Not here. The class is a joke. Pure facts, memorization, and common fuckin' sense.
"Uhh, too much nitrogen in soil...What do we do?"
Stop putting nitrogen in the soil? Just maybe? Not litigate over it for 6 months before building a fucking nuclear power plant over the corroded dying landscape...
If we didn't have to deal with so much bullshit from bureauocratic big business and corporations paying off government employees, maybe we could possibly, I don't know,
Effect A Fuckin' Change?
Individual effort is one thing, but amassed effort is better...

But, I digress. The class just makes us spew forth facts like godzilla ate one of Lazer's infamous poyo burritos. (No offense, I just think the big green guy wouldn't care for chicken.)
It's useless, I hate it...but, the grading scale is ridiculously curved...
Passed 45% C last semester while doing No Work Whatsoever. Just nailed the tests...

Whatever, stupid classes piss me off...

~C

Oh, shit!

I apologize for the late post, I had to let this event simmer in my head before I was able to fully retell the tale.

Bluntly: I saw a motorcyclist ride into the side of a car at 50 miles per hour.

I'll let that little piece of imagery linger with you for a while before I cock slap you with this:

It was downhill.

And we (Chiodo, Ash, and The King) got a perfect view of the women's faces inside the car. It was a combinaiton of fear and "Can I suck your dick?"

I have a theory that all women's emotions are a combination of pretentiousness, whoreishness, and fear.

Anyways, this little crash up happened to occur on Chiodo's birthday, confirming to him that the spirit of death lingers about him and that he'll die within two years.

I never said he was an optimistic son of a gun.

Prime Beats Women; Metaphors Ensue...

This is an edited-to-be-readable-by-intelligent-human-beings transcript of an instan messenger conversation I had with Lazer. It's atypical in that I actually offer some good advice in there, if you just know where to look. so without further adieu:

Optimus Prime: It's no secret that Mander's tastes are...
Not quite so discerning as yours or mine.
Lazer: [I concur.]
Optimus Prime: I actually think Mander is more attracted to slutty burn-outs than anyone I've ever met.
Like he's drawn to them.
Like a moth to flame.
Lazer: Or Mander to a slutty burn-out.
Optimus Prime: I'm sure i've only heard about a fraction of his forays this year, and I'm already disgusted.
Like...
I hope he wears a condom.
Even when he's just hanging out with them.
Not even putting his dick in them.
Lazer: Hahah.
[Yes,] he's gotten a bit extreme.
Optimus Prime: So I've heard
Lazer: You've probly heard more than me, ha.
Optimus Prime: He always texts me like "I'm going to Tijuana with so and so."
And I'm like "Dude don't." I forbid you. I don't know if he heeds my advice, though. One can only hope.
Lazer: Haha good look out for him.
Optimus Prime: I do. And what's worse is that in my FYE (a.k.a. GAY) class we were talking about relationships on the 13th, i.e. day before Valentine's Day
Lazer: FYE?
Optimus Prime: First Year Enrichment
Lazer: Oh, GAY. Ya I know now.
Optimus Prime: Anyways. And since it's me and one other dude in the class - but he never talks - it was basically me arguing with alllllllll the girls. First like about hooking up. THEY think that it's always bad.
I said something along the lines of "Bitches ain't shit."
Optimus: 1 Bitches: 0
Lazer: Hahaha
Optimus Prime: Actually I was just like "I think it's possible to bone someone without getting emotionally attached," but they all disagree because they're stupid.
Lazer: Let's go by you football and them regular points
Optimus Prime: Okay cool.
Optimus: 6 Bitches: 0
And I was like "As long as you don't mislead a broad like 'Oh we're totally a couple now, but let's have sex tonight' and then not call her it's really not a problem." That was the XP.
Optimus: 7
Lazer: Haha, nice
Optimus Prime: And one cheeky broad was like "So you think it's okay to plow a girl and just leave the next morning and be like 'alright.... bye' and leave and not ever talk to her again?"
SO what she's trying to do is run it back for a TD. But I said something like "Why stay till the next morning?" That's a fucking safety.
Optimus Prime: 2 points to me and I get to receive again.
Optimus: 9
Lazer: Hahahaah. Oh my fucking god. No, no, that is postworthy shit right there.
Optimus Prime: But then to the part pertaining Mander: Then we started talking about like "Should you interfere with friends' relationships?" And I guess I fumbled because all the womenz started talking. Like... lateraling that shit back and forth.
But then I bust in with an anecdote about Mander (interception). And like "I think a good friend wants to protect his friends from STDs and getting robbed for drug money." TD Optimus. But they blocked my XP because they were like "No, it's a friend's job to be there for their friend when their heart gets broken." Which is true.
Lazer: I see
Optimus Prime: And I didn't say it at the time, but I think it's more a friend's job to protect their friends in the first place. But they didn't agree with that either. I figure it's because all women hate each other. Even when they're "friends" they like to be right more than anything else. So they pretend like they're helping heal a broken heart, but in actuality they're gloating in that feeling of "I told you so," secretly.
AND LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT
Whores.
The lot of them.
Final score: Optimus Prime: 15 Bitches: 0
Lazer: Yup. the judges agree. Optimus crushes the competition.

But all the talking got me to thinking: Is what I do actually good? Do my friends want to be protected? So I asked:

Lazer: Yah that's good. But ya, pull them out dude, before it's too late. You're a oh shit!
You're a good person.
Optimus Prime: Whaaa???? WHAATTT?
Lazer: or at least a good friend
Optimus Prime: APOCOLYPSE!!!!TI)
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Lazer: Lemme divide by zero to fix that!
Whew, that was close.

The End.

The Inherent Problems with a Libertarian/Anarchist State.

In theory I don't have a problem with Libertarianism. For those of you who don't know, Libertarians support the preservation of all liberties and little-to-no government interference in said liberties, but also hold citizens to a certain level of personal responsibility. And that's about where my affiliation with any Libertarian would end. Because I have a more rational, realistic view of the human race - unlike idealist Libertarians - I am fully aware that to preserve liberty is insufficient. In a world where people are consistently born and life with the sole ambition of limiting other peoples' liberties (I.E. the Hitlers, Stalins, Zedongs, Pol Pots, etc., etc. of the world) a government must also take steps to protect its peoples' liberties. This is essentially the sole reason a lawless society could not function. The simple fact of the matter is that all people are bound to disagree. If there is not a government to protect all of the people, then a certain, more savage majority will take over. This is present in America today, where CEOs of massive corporations exploit the workers and consumers for their own benefit. In certain industries where the product is a more valuable one (namely healthcare, security, arms manufacture, etc.) the consumers who are given the short end of the stick don't end up just getting robbed of their money, but their lives as well. Don't believe me? Well I did some research:
Many people don't know this, but the United States is ranked number 45 for life-expectancy[1] of all nations. That puts countries like the Virgin Islands, Guam, and Puerto Rico (all U.S. properties) higher than us. The U.S. is also ranked at 180 (out of 221)[2] for infant mortality rate. That means we're not even in the top 40. More Cuban children live past the age of five/per 1000 births than do Americans. Shit, more South Korean children live past the age of five/per 1000 births than do americans.
But keep in mind that these are statistics for the whole of the country. If you take statistics for African American males (i.e. those with the lowest income), the average is a piddling 68.4 years [3], the same as a citizen of Turkmenistan; less, even, than Iraq, Iran, and Saudia Arabia (I say this only because I think maybe our current admistration should be taking more time at protecting the country it's already in charge than it should "bringing democracy" to others). And by the Census' numbers, it won't be until after 2025 that that number is even close to the national average of today.
And don't even get me started on income [in]equality. By all accounting, the income of the top 5% of Americans[4] is nearly DOUBLE that of those in the top 20%, and a family in the top 20% makes more than 4 times as much as a family in poverty. IF you were to take the income of a family in the top 5%, it would be equal to the income of nearly 16 families in the bottom 10%. Now, of course I'm comparing the numbers to get my point across, so here's some less dramatic, but still pretty fucked up numbers: A household in the top 5% makes more than 3 times that of a MEDIAN family. Median as in white-collar, middle-class America. We're talking "American Dream," Arthur Miller stuff, here, not the moderately-to-extremely poorer folks that are actually something like 60% of Americans nowadays.
So what I'm getting at is that people ARE going to take any opportunity to better themselves, and they even seem to prefer damaging other people in the process. Some might say that capitalists go out of their way to rape and pillage the consumers, and I think it should be obvious by now that the solution is not to ignore this (the Libertarian/Anarchist solution) nor is it to limit liberty (the Fascist/Totalitarian solution) but to protect all liberties equally (the OptimusPrimeist Solution).

When it comes down to it, America really isn't all that bad. Heck, with a few simple adjustments, it could be pretty great; the ideas are all there. I am a BIG fan of Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of Happiness (which, as anyone with an iota's worth of understanding in the field of politics is just the PC way of saying "Property"), it's just that I think the federal government has got them prioritized the wrong way. Where a human life should be the most valuable thing, with Liberties as second, and
property last (far less valuable than life, I'm sure everyone would agree), most of these Democratic-Republic-Capitalists are willing to let people die or work for inhumane wages just to increase their money-supply. That's the whole point of Capitalism: to generate wealth so that you can spend it on generating more wealth. But now there are people's lives being lost, and change is overdue.

In summary: Fuck Libertarians.
Fuck Anarchists.
But above all, FUCK Capitalism.

Note: I worked on writing this shit for 4 and a half hours.... I don't know why that's important, but I felt it was noteworthy.

Citations:
[1]: CIA World Fact Book: List of Nations by Life Expectancy
[2]: CIA World Fact Book: List of Nations by Infant Mortality Rate
[3]:US Census: Projected Life Expectancy by Race
[4]:Measures of Household Income Dispersion


P.S. Since Adolfo is a flake, I (Optimus) am going to post up a draft I had planned on publishing in two weeks.

Be Kind, Rewind

Hmm...

Its technically still friday.

11:59 bitches.


Anyways, tonight was the release of Be Kind, Rewind. A movie that Ash, Chiodo, and I have been wanting to see since last fucking summer. Who wouldn't after watching the trailer?
(link to trailer: http://youtube.com/watch?v=62CZL9Rhz8Y)

Jack Black was...well, the same Jack Black as ever which is a formula used countless times beforehand. Why change it? It is, however, Mos Def who steals the show in this one. His comedic delivery after one of Black's crazy antics is what this flick runs on.

So, check it out. It's pretty damn funny but not in the bust a gut laughing sort of way...kinda like Seinfield. Ash, Chiodo, and I certainly weren't disappointed and consider it Michael Gondry's (Director) best film yet.





SIDENOTE: We kept fucking running into people we knew. Whether it be a crazy couple we tried to avoid, one of Chiodo's possible future love interests, or a group of people from their school- they were fucking everywhere.

The one altercation I cannot go without mentioning is Chiodo's encounter with the love interest. We're getting our tickets and Chiodo recognizes her. She's with five or six or her friends, one of which was a dude. She says hi, Chido says hi. She happens to be watching the same movie as us, which would seem like a pretty good opener right? Well, it was...she seemed glad to see him and would like for them to chill. (Not verbatim.) He agrees, and then proceeds to introduce us to her and vice versa. After that there was a split second awkward-as-hell pause, that I think only me and Ash ended up noticing. Chiodo, being the unique individual that he is, says "Alright then, I guess I'll see you inside. Later," and fucking walks away. Ash and I follow, but were both wondering what the fuck that was about...he didn't even wait for a damn reply.

Naturally, we think he fucked up BUT may have an opportunity to mend the situation. Chiodo frantically thinks of possible ways, coming up with this: Maybe if I just say that I really needed to take a piss, it would seem less fucked up that I left?"

...

I won't even comment on that one.




20 minutes later, we're sitting at the theater with time to spare until show time. We contemplate better options, cause he damn sure needed them. We decide to save seats for the girl and her friends. We agree on a clever ploy where Chiodo will end up sitting next to the girl during the movie. Plan works to perfection with...one little flaw.

Remember that dude that was with her and her friends? Motherfucker sits on the other side of her. Confusion arises. Was this supposed to be a date? Was what happened earlier just talk? Will the previews be any good? Alright, the last one may not be completely related, but important nonetheless.

Our questions never got a definite answer (besides the third. The trailers were pretty good.) Anyway, the prior fuck up seemed to be mended in the end. There was a good amount of conversation between Chiodo and her, no explanation was needed to be given. Mission accomplished.

(Be Kind, Rewind gets 3.5 out of 5 stars)



-The King

Sports fans?

I'm not sure if this post will pose any significant relevance to any of the other writers in the blog or not, but the most recent installment of the Kobe vs. Shaq rivalry took place tonight (Wednesday), and it was definitely one for the ages.


The Lakers and Suns went back and forth in an epic battle which, of course, ended with the Lakers on top 130-124.


Sickness.


NBA FINALS PICK:
Lakers vs. Pistons


Might be a bit out of the ordinary for this blog with Optimus posting his epic drunken stories and all, but what the hell.

'Ello, 'ello...Mander here.

Whats da happs everybody?

Before I get too ahead of myself ('cause I have something in mind that I would like to write about today that I've been having fun telling people about) lemme just thank that last great American hero, OPTIMUS PRIME, for asking me to do this! It's my first post so all y'all best step back and put on some protective eye wear.

So lately I've had this burning desire to go to Mexico. We all know that when somebody says "go to Mexico," what they are actually saying is "drive twenty minutes or ride the trolley, cross the border and get wall-to-the-cock shit faced." This has yet to happen.

The first time my desire was unfulfilled was my birthday. After realizing that there was no fucking way I'd get to TJ, let alone get drunk enough to urinate on a little Mexican hombre while he stole my wallet like I originally intended, I was able to get a few people together to get a bonfire type thing going. My thinking was I'll get drunk enough to pass out just as the tide was coming in.

But it was just my fucking luck (by the way, I have the worst fucking luck. If I decide that I like all two of our readers enough, I'll write the story of how I got such bad luck, but I digress...) that not only does it start to rain, but I forget that there are like three house shows happening, a show at the Che Cafe, AND it was Lazer's mother's birthday to boot. This disappointed me terribly. Not drunk at the beach and definitely not surrounded by a transsexual stripper's full beard, like my original plan intended, I understandably went to one of the house shows.

Now these house shows are not in regular houses nor are they regular shows. They are the ultimate in DIY 'cause basically their making a full fledged show out of nothing AND I get to drink. House shows are held mainly in three places. These places are the only three places on the planet that the cops don't give a fuck about, are afraid to go, and still manage to surpass their quotas for the month. These Places would be 1) Logan Heights 2) Chula Vista and 3) any other place within 15 miles of the border. Essentially they're every bus stop you've ever seen on the news. You know the ones. Chalk outline of bodies, surrounded by CAUTION: CRIME SCENE yellow police tape, blah blah... Basically what these shows are are gatherings of poor homeless people with big brightly colored hair and bad attitudes but still enjoy each others' company enough to tolerate each other and get completely fucked up and bump their mad boss tones as loud as they want without the cops showing up.

It's about as tight as a place where your constantly in peril of getting your ass handed to you can get. Lucky for me I was with some chill ass people who in combination with Domino's birthday present to me (about 5 shots of JD) succeeded in getting me totally fucked up.
This was awesome except last time this happened I not only did NOT have a car, but I ended up walking to Hillcrest, nearly getting stabbed, witnessing a fight that involved AT LEAST 50 people, and eating burritos with a buncha twacked out Mexicans (Also another story for another time). This time how ever I DID have my car and I DID have to drive home. Luckily for me I went to the ska house show and all in all had a good time. I don't remember much other then Gypsy and her pal TheRockabillyLoveGoddess showing up and wishing me a happy birthday. Duckie showed up at one point too cause I remember skanking with her in the pit and I drove her home and stopped at Lazer's restaurant to get some food... other then that not much is coming back to me...

<3 Mander Romany

Beauty Addiction

Now I know my Co-authors will disagree with me, heartily, on this subject. But I'll say it.

I like Curvy Women.

Find me a twig with breasts the size of cantaloupes and, no. It probably won't do it for me (Although the fact of the matter is that, 1. They're probably fake, and 2. She's probably not very intelligent to want them so badly. Albeit, on a Curvy gal, they'd be okay ;D), but give me something with body, something with zest, something large and with vigor, with a mind to match, and I'll be a damned cheerful person.
~Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder~

Nuff' Said on that issue,
However, There are others to talk about.

For one thing, Addiction. It's a devil device that ails us all at one point or another. It screws you over when you think you're in the best of times, when something can't possibly get better. It's excess, it's greed, it's gluttony, But.... Who's to say how much is right...

I myself am utterly addicted to MMOs. For any of you WOW junkies out there....I'm not one of you, but I can empathize. The habit is hard to kick.... You begin by killing one or two bad guys, leveling rather quickly. You think to yourself, "This isn't so bad...An hour a day at most!"

But then, the levels get longer....The Quests get harder, the items more scarce. Each level takes more and more minutes of the day, one hour turns into two, two into four, four into eight, and soon you find yourself swimming in an oblivion of useless pixilated data and a wasted experience. Life is all about experience, so why should one waste their life by constantly playing video games?

The key is Moderation....some times it's hard but, limit yourself. It's the key to becoming a stronger individual, and kicking addiction is just one way to start. Say, "I'll play 50% today, and 50% tomorrow." Set goals, instead of mindlessly grinding unto the next level of horrifyingly mind-numbing grinding. It's still hard for me....Maplestory being my current addiction. You get a new Item, and you just want to use it right away...
But you have to take out the trash, your mind whispers....
~Screw That, I got me A Battle Axe!
But you're ignoring your friends...
~But I'm only 20% away from 43!

Excuses follow excuses...
It's a vicious cycle, but,
You're the only one who can end it.

Addiction sucks, but have more power than it.

~Codes, Still lookin' for that someone

Spock Was Wrong

I would like to start this post with a direct statement towards one Leonard Nimoy.

(For those of you not in the know, Leonard Nimoy recently published a book of photography showcasing the 'beauty' of horrendously obese women.)

You sir, are horribly, horribly wrong.

There is no beauty, pride, or joy in being fat. In this world there exists subjects that may not be universally beautiful but are nonetheless still pleasing.

This includes, but is not limited to: elegant math problems, epic fight scenes, the abstract concept of lesbians, etc. etc.

If I were to continue this extensive list, Mr. Nimoy, you would find nary a mention of any fatties. That's because they are simply not beautiful. Finding beauty in them would be akin to over analysis of a children's book and finding hidden symbolism. There simply is none there.

I find that Optimus will back me up in these claims.

Anyways, to a quick and simple story that happened to me today.

I was sitting in class (Calculus if you must know) when my neighbor Glare-Bear reaches over and undoes my shoelace.

Glare-Bear: Sorry Lazer, it was an irresistible urge.

Lazer: That's what a lot of girls say about me.

Cue incessant giggling.

Yup, my timing's pretty much perfect. I'm just gonna need some prettier targets... oh well, baby steps, right?

Optimus Prime is Apparently Obsessed with Murder... Cannot Recall What Ensues

Apparently, my subconscious that reveals itself only when the conscious is too inebriated to function is obsessed with murder. I don't think that this is much of a surprise (not to me at least) but it makes for... shall we say "entertaining" inter-personal interactions.
Take, for example, last night, when a game of beer pong that I was watching went into overtime. As most people know, you just set up a new rack of 3 cups and play from there. Well, that was not quite to my liking, and I had an alternate solution.

Optimus Prime: "Well there's only one way to settle this."
Everyone else: Vacant expressions and looks of "Duh... overtime."
Optimus prime (oblivious) "Murder fight!"

I'm still not 100% sure what a murder fight IS, per-se, but it certainly has a nice ring to it.
Needless to say, my relatively sound advice was overlooked. Not to be dissuaded, I found other ways to occupy myself with murder. For example, making simple rhyming couplets and putting them to music (in my head): "Punch, fight, kill, bite."
Apparently I also sent out an unknown quantity of text messages that said, simply: "Murder murder murder."
If and when the recipient chose to reply, I sent back a simple "Murder" and apparently that sufficed.

Anyways, thanks to the effects of anterograde amnesia, I can't remember much else, more specifically if I actually did satiate my apparent bloodlust.

What I do know is that I stole a fork and lost my jacket.

Oh, I guess I'll also take this time to introduce the "new" OPID.
Basically you (the reader) gets a new post from a new author everyday. Mondays are mine (obviously), Tuesday's Lazer's, Wednesday Codes, Thursday Mander, Friday The King, and Saturday Adolfo.
Sunday is (for now) a free day, where anyone - or possibly no one - will post. However, sometime in the future we plan on hosting Two Y Chromosomes on Sundays, the much anticipated, probably over-hyped OPID-affiliate web-comic, which is, by the way, authored by Lazer and illustrated by myself.
That's all for now, look forward to new stuff from Lazer tomorrow.

Inexperienced.

So...I read Lazer's post tonight...and I simply have one thing to say. Are you fucking kidding me?? You are critiquing movies? Im sorry, but if anybody is critiquing a movie, it will be me, for reasons not need to be said.


Anyways...
There's my little rant.

Great introduction hmm?




Not so known movies that should be seen...now:
-The Usual Suspects
-The Professional
-Kiss Kiss Bang Bang


Watch them, thank me, and carry on.

Goodnight.

Cleaning up my cell phone.

Because the piece of shit has probably the smallest memory of any electronic device ever. Seriously, the inbox fills up after 15 texts.

So here's the shit that for whatever reason i thought was worth saving, but am posting here so I can clear that shit out of my phone.

Firstly the texts that I sent or received that I thought were noteworthy:
To my grandmother, who despite her efforts, has not exactly grasped the concept of text messaging:

Just FYI, unlike telegrams, text messages do not charge per character STOP As long as the message is less than 160 characters, its all the same price STOP

Aren't I just a cheeky bastard?
The answer is yes, by the way. In case you weren't convinced.
Ahh this is a great one... It was from me to Lazer after a deaf friend of mine failed to show up at the time and place I was expecting her to:

I would say i have to give her a tongue lashing, but that would be pointless. So ill give her a hand lashing. i guess thats just domestic abuse. So ill do it twice!

And people wonder why I'm single.

Oh right, this was a good one from Lazer, a sort of pep-talk, if you will, just before a night of partying.

Remember you only have morals when having them will advance your immoral means.

Words to live by.

OH yes. Last but not least, my plans for a brilliant video. I swear to god if any of you fuckers steal this, I'll end everything you've ever loved and will ever live to love.

Dude, great idea for a vid: a take off on rock band called ska band. Go out and by those cheap plastic horns, then paint them to look like controllers.. Some choice lines: the hardest part is finding a big enough tv and 12 people who still listen to ska! & New controllers: guitar that onl strums up, bass with 6 extra buttons for the most ridiculous walking basslines you could ever dream of! Alto, tenor, and baritone saxes providing intricacy only a band geek could care about! Trombone for everyones fat friend! Trumpet because we all know someone that can only manage to coordinat 3 fingers simultaneously! And keyboard for all these popular 2 tone songs:
A message to you, rudy - the specials
That one song from nickelodeons kablam! - the english beat... and many more!

I'm so witty.

Let's see... what else do I have saved...
Oooh, memos! They're short, concise, and to the point!

I hate everything.

Classy!

http://www.keenspot.com

I think it's a webcomic host... Keep an eye out for Two 'Y' Chromosomes if I ever get a working Mac again...

http;//tcbn.org/schools/rit

Oooh, my school's blog-ring... maybe I should get in on that. But probably not.

And then there's voice memos... two clips of me singing along with Streetlight Manifesto (poorly, I might add) at their show in Buffalo earlier this year, and as soon as I figure out how to get that shit on the intrawebz, you'll know.

That's all for now.

You might've noticed some changes...

That is, if you are actually reading the blog to begin with, which I doubt, because I'm pretty sure the page gets like 4 hits a month and all of them are the authors.
But anyways, I've updated the page, and added 4 new authors, TheKing, ManderRomany, Codes, and Adolfo, all of whom have had major starring roles in some OPID stories, whether or not they've been published here. Hopefully with a new resolve and a doubled writing staff this shit can start to be legit, and updated more regularly. My goal is 6 posts per week. That's right, one post per author per week.

Tell all your friends.

(More news to come)

Confessions and Movies

I, Lazer McSanchez, am a nice guy.

Fuck.

No, seriously. I probably hold the world record for friend zone entrance. I fucking dive into that shit. My goal is to be more of an asshole. I think once I can bring that up I'll be on cruise control.

Oh, and contrary to Optimus' Valentine's day, I had a great one.

4 stars on DragonForce's Through the Fire and Flames. Bam.

Medium, but epic nonetheless.

Ya, so I think I'm going to be posting more. I'll talk about movies, so that'll give me some blog fodder.

I saw When Harry Met Sally this V-Day, I can see why it's a classic. Billy Crystal's character was fun to hate, while we were kinda annoyed by Meg Ryan's Sally, but in the way where we sympathize with her. However, this is where the movie's strong point comes in, the character's development over time. This is especially evident when Harry and Sally are reminiscing and refuse to believe the things they said when they were younger.

The movie's classic scenes definitely shine through, especially Crystal's speech detailing the exact reasons why he loves Sally. I found myself rooting for both characters, wanting Harry to win and wanting Sally to get who she deserves. The movie is definitely about both characters and their (admittedly realistic) quest for love, and we are never forced to choose sides. We watch two characters who play off each other with their differences transition to best friends and through a long struggle finally become lovers. A wonderful movie of destiny, love, and friendship.

So I'm using my roommate's computer...

...which means I have more time for this post (i.e. I can use grammerz and what not) but it does NOT mean I have anything to write about, really.

What I do have is a story about my shitty Valentine's Day:

Since I'm a terrible person who is emotionally incapable of being in a meaningful relationship with anyone, I was alone. I probably could've made plans with any one of the countless women who for whatever reason seem infatuated with me, but being the self-loathing prick, I decided that I would rather get trashed (I don't have any classes on Thursdays anymore) and watch romance movies ALONE - alone being the operative word.
And of course, my roommate, the perpetual dick he is, decided that it was the perfect day to like... be in the room all day. That coupled with the fact that I have no liquor, and not even so much as 3 dollars for a cheap 40 makes it seem like my pity-party is ruined. And it is.
Eventually I get fed up of my roommate and tell him in not so many words to "get the fuck out," and for once he obliges me.
So I got the alone part covered, and that's the most crucial part, but then the sorrow that I was supposed to drown in cheap liquor becomes overbearing. All I have is rubbing alcohol, and that's uh... not healthy. But it does bring to mind memories of better times in a better place of making cheap ether using nothing more than starter fluid and water. So, being lonely, depressed, and desperate I mix up what I later coined "drug soup." It's approximately 2 parts rubbing alcohol, 1 part nail polish remover, 3 parts hot water, and 6 parts brain damage. ... In retrospect, I can imagine myself coming into some legal trouble for posting the recipe here, but I don't fucking care, because no one reads this shit. (Please don't sue me).
I started huffing that shit like like a doctor was holding me upside down and smacking me on the ass.
Well, it worked, to a certain extent, to that I lost control of about 90% of my motor skills.... for about 10 minutes. And then it all came back. Plus the worst headache I can remember.

The moral of the story: Kill yourself young so you don't become a pathetic burnout like me.

Oh, also, apparently I'm a sophomore now. My credits from college classes I took in high school FINALLY transferred to RIT.
"Optimus Prime: 17-year-old college sophomore" has a nice ring, I think.

I'm like the role-model parents don't want their kids to know about.

Quick update:

My computers are both fucked; hardrives fried.
I'm in the lab, it's closing in 15 minutes.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. SUCKS DICK.
I don't have class tomorrow (i dropped all but 3, i'm transferring to interpreting)
I'm going to get trashed and watch romance movies alone.
I think that James Bond qualifies as romance.
Mangina is a fun word, and i wish i had an opportunity to use it more frequently.