10 Mental illnesses of which I am likely to display symptoms

Believe it or not, I am NOT perfect. However, I'm - more likely than not - not going to do anything, even if it turns out that I'm right about one or more of these, just because... well... If it ain't broke, don't fix it. And I'm pretty damn good.

10. Schizophrenia: I blame fight club for this one... Sure, I talked to myself before seeing that movie, but I thought that it was normal. It wasn't till after I saw it that I remembered that I was the only one who talked to myself, at least as much as I do.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia I feel that I display:
-"Hallucinations...
-Disorganized behavior...
- 'Affective flattening': the reduction in the range of emotional expression...
- 'Avolition': difficulty to initiate and persist in goal-directed behavior...
- Poor Concentration...
- Difficulty expressing thoughts..."

9. Alcoholism: The longer I go without a drink, the more of my thoughts are solely on procuring one. Also, it's supposed to be PRETTY hereditary, and everyone in my family has had a history of substance abuse.

Symptoms of alcoholism I feel that I display:
-"Making excuses to drink...
-Excessive alcohol consumption...
-Tolerance to the effects of alcohol...
-Drinking first thing in the morning to avoid hangover...
-Showing aggressive behavior while under the influence of alcohol...
-Losing interest in social activities...
-Impaired memory...
-Eating disorders...
-Unnatural fears...
-Irritability..."

8. Paranoia: This is probably better classified as some other, less general type of psychosis, but whenever I'm left alone too long, just thinking about stuff, I almost always play out the worst-case-scenario. Whether it's when I'm in the car, imagining the ungodly angle at which my shoulder would be dislocated if we were to get into an accident at that time, to imagining a conversation in which the person I'm talking to points out all of my character flaws while I insult them, leading to a physical confrontation of which I am NEVER the victor, or imaging all the cruel things people are probably thinking about me as I walk past them. I think that's probably paranoia.

Symptoms of Paranoia I feel that I display:
- "Preoccupied with unsupported doubts about friends or associates...
- Suspicious...
- Perceives attacks on his reputation that are not clear to others...
- Reads negative meanings into innocuous remarks...
- Reluctant to confide in others due to a fear that information may be used against him..."

7. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: I don't really consider it plausible that I have OCD (if you've seen my room, you'd know why), but it would explain a lot of the peculiar behaviors I have, and maybe even my hand sanitizer and my paranoia of people touching my stuff. But more likely than not, I am OCD-free.

Symptoms of OCD I feel that I display:
- "Feelings that objects are dirty or contaminated with germs...
- Unpleasant intrusive thoughts...
- Intense fear of making mistakes...
- Obsession with the ordering, arrangement, or symmetry of objects..."

6. Agoraphobia: Fuck your city bus bullshit. Oh, apparently, it's also inappropriate to freak out at school dances and - no joke - punch yourself in the nose repeatedly. I'm calling that one 'panic attack.'

Symptoms of Agoraphobia I feel that I display:
- "Fear of crowds...
- Fear of public transportation...
- Social isolation...
- Panic attacks..."

5. Anorexia Nervosa: It was only when [Biology Teacher] discussed anorexia in my class last year that I realized that I met a LOT of the conditions to be considered anorexic. And it was... uh... interesting to say the least when my friend - who has been hospitalized for anorexia - noticed that I had lost a lot of weight between the few months when we saw each other.

Symptoms of Anorexia I feel that I display:

-"Dramatic weight-loss...
-Basing self-worth on body image...
-Frequent skipping of meals, with excuses for not eating...
- Frequent looking in the mirror for flaws...
- Even when thin, complaining about being overweight...
- In males, decreased sexual desire...
- Irritable...
- Bad Memory...
- Anemia...
- Dry skin, gets cold easily...
- Dehydration..."

4. Attention Deficit Disorder: I know, I know, I've said it myself HUNDREDS of times: "Everyone's got ADD these days, and it's just their excuse or being inadequate." That being said, there's still a good chance that I have, I'm just not one to bitch about it or become a junkie for Ritalin.

Symptoms of ADD I feel that I display:

- "Makes careless mistakes...
- Difficulty sustaining attention when directly addressed...
- Difficulty finishing tasks...
- Appears forgetful, disorganized, distracted...
- Fidgety, squirmy...
- Difficulty staying seated...
- Physical restlessness; difficulty with quiet, sedentary activities...
- Problems working towards long-term goals...
- Poor judgment..."

3. Depression: This one isn't so much of an 'if' as it is a 'to what extent. For those of you who don't know, I guess this is the time when I tell you that I left [Jr. High] after 7th grade and also [High School] during 10th grade due to depression and related issues. And, for a while, it was like I said: "As soon as I started listening to ska, I stopped being depressed." And it's true, but there's just some levels of crazy that can't be defeated by ska, and I noticed this the other day as, when I was thinking about how happy I'd be at graduation this phrase - verbatim - flashed through my head: "I'd be so happy, I could just kill myself." WHAT THE FUCK?!?! That doesn't even make sense, and I'm the one who thought it. Anyways:

Symptoms of depression I feel that I display:
-"Loss of interest in normal daily activities...
- Sleep disturbances...
- Impaired concentration
- Changes in weight...
- Fatigue...
- Low self-esteem...
- Less interest in sex...
- Thoughts of death..."

2. Hypochondriasis: Just because I made this list.

Symptomsof Hypochndriasis I feel that I display:
- "Preoccupation with having serious illness...
- Misinterpretation of body symptoms...
- Persistent fear despite medical reassurance...
- Clinical distress or functional impairment..."

1. Narcicissistic Personality Disorder: I can't be certain what tipped me off that maybe I've got this one... maybe it was my seeming inability to draw anything that's not me, or the fact that I'll write 'Optimus Prime is the Best' on any paper that's in front of me for too long, or maybe it's just the fact that I truly, genuinely, don't give a shit about anything that isn't me or mine.

Symptoms of NPD I feel that I display:
- "A grandiose sense of self-importance...
- Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love...
- Believes that he is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people...
- Requires excessive admiration...
- Has a sense of entitlement...
- Is interpersonally exploitative...
- Lacks empathy...
- Believes that others are envious of him...
- Shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes..."

That being said, I hope you had as much fun reading that list as I did compiling it. And I also hope that you don't think any less of me as a person because of some of the semi-personal things I shared just now. And I also hope that you don't jump to the conclusion that I've got all (or even any) of these illnesses. Probably only about... 8... JUST KIDDING.